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July 6, 2012
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I've always liked astronauts. There is a strange romanticism attached to someone who finds the entire world so mundane that they feel compelled to leave it behind. (I hear that the word mundane means "earthly." Figures.) They need more. They need the universe. They need everything that ever was and ever will be.

My husband is an astronaut, and as a child, I wanted to become one too. I could leave my little world behind. But as I grew, my little world also grew, and I realized that there was more than enough to explore and discover on this planet. I had my love, the astronaut and we lived in a tiny, little house where I played wife and he played husband. My world was little again, but it was perfect.

But of course, he had to suit up and take off. And I got left behind.

Most nights, I sit in our my garden, and look up at the night sky. I watch the stars and know that he is up there, flying among them and I wish for them to bring him back.  

And I know that this world will always be mundane, and I will always be left behind.
"I will gladly stay an afterthought, just bring back some nice reminders."

Today's Flash Fiction is inspired by: [link]

God Amanda Palmer is brilliant. She and Neil Gaiman make my list of favorite couples.

How is the pacing of the story in comparison to the length?
Could/Should I expand the story to make it longer?
Thoughts on the parenthetical statement in the first paragraph, does it distract from the tone of the story?
Other thoughts/comments?
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:iconcristinewakesuphappy:
verdict:
:star: :star: :star: :star: :star:

my new :+fav: short story (flash fic). i wish i thought of this or were the one who wrote this. congratulations...
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Jul 13, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
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:iconcristinewakesuphappy:
you're welcome. :bow:
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:iconwakip:
WaKip Jul 7, 2012   Writer
I don't feel it needs expanded, it was short, sweet, got its point across, and was beautiful. It actually tugged on my heartstrings, a great feat for short stories. Awesome job, please don't stop making these, I've loved or at least liked every one of them so far :)
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Jul 7, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you very much! FFM only lasts until the end of July, but I do enjoy writing flash fiction, so there will probably be more in the future. :D
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
The pacing is just fine - but I always kinda loved bite size stories :XD: I don't really want to see any expansion; I think you've said what you needed to and that was enough. Too much musing would dull the impact and start going over into angsty territory.

I like the parenthetical statement; it goes with the rest to me and is a nice little aside.

I don't have any criticism :heart:
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Jul 7, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you very much! :heart:
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:iconsilverinkblot:
SilverInkblot Jul 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Of course :D
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:iconpooreccentric:
PoorEccentric Jul 6, 2012  Student Writer
Wow, that's just amazing. The first paragraph sucked me in with just how beautifully it talked about leaving the world behind.

And then it got even better because in the second paragraph it almost felt like I was growing right there with her. I'm sure everyone starts off wanting to leave, but then most of us realize the world is big enough in it's particular smallness that's just right for us, and some never let go.

And the ending was just so bittersweet and perfect. If I could fave this more than once, I would. Very good job.
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Jul 6, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you very much! :heart:
Reply
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