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Grandfather had a pet bird. Just a small, yellow and white parakeet; he named it Georgie, after Grandmother. Every morning, he would wake up at 6 o'clock, make a pot of coffee, grab the newspaper, and feed the small bird a small pile of birdseed. And he would gently carry the birdcage, and place it on the table and talk to her as he drank his coffee and read the newspaper.

"Gas prices are up again Georgie, geez, remember when we could pay 20¢ to fill up our car?"


And sometimes the bird almost chirped in response. Years and years went by, and Grandfather grew older, and he could no longer carry the bird off the shelf, but he would still feed and talk to her at 6 o'clock.

One morning, Grandfather found himself barely able to make it out of bed. He still made his way into the kitchen to feed his dear bird. His hand shook and some birdseed fell to the floor as he carefully moved into the tray into the cage. He slowly made his way to the table so that he could sit down.

"…I think… this is… it Georgie.
I... I… love… you."


Grandfather rested his head on the back of his chair and closed his eyes. The bird sat in her cage, waiting for Grandfather to speak to her, to tell her what he was thinking, but he didn't.
Because when I say that I'm going to write something pretty, I actually write about old people and dying.

Is there enough of a plot?
What do you think of the ending?
Would the story work better if "Grandfather" is "Grandmother"?
Thoughts? Comments?
Love? Hate?
Add a Comment:
 
:iconahalteke:
Ahalteke Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
-cries- this is so, so sad D:
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2012  Student Writer
Don't be sad! It's just a story, don't worry. :pat:
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:iconahalteke:
Ahalteke Featured By Owner Feb 10, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
awwww :) okay a very good story though. Just thinking about it is sad :C
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:iconenglandrain:
englandrain Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I'm tearing up right now. Though the story had such a sad ending, I loved it so much and it made me very happy to find a nice piece of literature. Grandfather seems like such a sweet man, by the way.
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Sep 24, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you very much!
The character was kinda-sorta based on my great-grandfather who, unfortunately I don't remember all that well since he passed away when I was a child, but I still have little snippets of his memory, so I tried to use them.
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:iconemmings:
Emmings Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2011
It's fairly simple and the diction is simple, and I really like this because of that. It's moving, it's touching, it's gripping.

The story plot is...wow.

I liked it as Grandfather. The dialogue shows how he goes on his life as if Georgie is still with him. I absolutely adore this piece, and I come back to re-read it now and then again.

I'm moved. Great piece.
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2011  Student Writer
Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it :heart:
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:iconi-rainy-i:
i-RaiNy-i Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Student General Artist
Lols birdseed.
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Student Writer
Birdseed.
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:iconwakip:
WaKip Featured By Owner May 18, 2011   Writer
-I believe this wasn't meant to have a deep rooted, set up polt, and I like it for the small, but moving plot you put here.
-I like the grandfather concept more, guys tend to be a lot less emotional and its great to read them conveying more than we often see.
-This was quite thought provoking as well as profound. For a short story this made me express emotion, and feel just a little sad.
Love. Most definatly Love.
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner May 18, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked the piece :heart:
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:iconwakip:
WaKip Featured By Owner May 18, 2011   Writer
No problem, I'm...uhhh...glad to have liked the piece I guess :XD:
Reply
:iconlonealphawolf:
lonealphawolf Featured By Owner May 9, 2011
Interpretation of plot:

After Grandmother died, Grandfather named his bird after her and frequently spent time with it. At the end of the story, Grandfather dies. (Tell me if it's wrong. :P)

Ending:

To me, the ending seemed too abrupt and I would have liked it if you delved more into Grandfather's thoughts and flashbacks.

Would the story work better if "Grandfather" is "Grandmother"?

My answer would be no - mainly because so many a times females are always the one who are left behind to mourn and I liked the change in your story. :heart:

Personal Opinions:

My favourite line: "Gas prices are up again Georgie, geez, remember when we could pay 20¢ to fill up our car?" It seems almost nostalgic, like Grandfather was actually talking to Grandmother. :thumbsup"

Dislike: This story seems to be narrating everything that happens and you could have made it a lot more captivating if you used the 'show not tell' technique instead.

:iconthewrittenrevolution:
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner May 9, 2011  Student Writer
Thanks for the feedback! That's exactly the plot, just a simple story. I definitely see where you are coming from, the story and ending were meant to be simple, just like Grandfather and the bird's relationship. I was trying to subtly show how Grandfather kept his wife's memory alive with the bird. Guess it didn't work?
Reply
:iconlonealphawolf:
lonealphawolf Featured By Owner May 10, 2011
It was my pleasure commenting on your work; no, it wasn't bad at all, simple is good sometimes! I'm now *trying* to leave comments on at least half the number of literary pieces from #theWrittenRevolution because I always get such lovely comments from that group. :heart:

I can see your point there but a lot of people write about mourning and it'd be good if you could come up with something fresh and innovative. The idea of having a pet was wonderful though! :tighthug:
Reply
:iconlaugh-till-you-bleed:
Laugh-Till-You-Bleed Featured By Owner May 8, 2011
Baww! =(
There's just enough plot, I think.
The ending works well, even if it is sad. *shakes fist*
Grandfather, all the way.
A great hook for the beginning. I'm a sucker for old people. They make me smile. =D
The only thing I might suggest is removing the word "almost" from the line "And sometimes the bird almost chirped in response."
Other than that, I got no complaints and the rest is just gravy! :iconsmileyplz:
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner May 9, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you!! :heart: I'm glad you liked it so much!
Reply
:iconcarmalain7:
Carmalain7 Featured By Owner May 8, 2011
There is certainly enough of a plot. You have a strong beginning and a stronger ending. The piece was certainly set up to have a very strong ending and one that really couldn't deviate from yours.

i don't believe the story would have worked with a Grandmother. The imagery you conjured really could only apply to a Grandfather and i think it fit extremely well in this piece.

My one suggestion is, assuming you really don't mind bringing a tear to your readers, possibly expanding even more on the relationship of the bird and the Grandfather beyond just the morning hours. That being said, i can't see you doing much to improve in the context of what you have written. Really awesome portrayal of emotion and the whole that is left through loss. :clap:
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner May 8, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it! :heart:
Reply
:iconhamsterlampshade:
hamsterlampshade Featured By Owner May 8, 2011
Oh my lord...


Okay this is probably my new favorite piece in existence (which has been the same for about a month now so yeah.) This is crazy good. Yes, YES there is enough plot and Grandfather only improves it. The ending was so nnnggh worthy I almost grabbed a kleenex. Well done!
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner May 8, 2011  Student Writer
I'm glad you liked it! :hug:
Reply
:iconkassi-kamira:
Kassi-Kamira Featured By Owner May 8, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Found at #theWrittenRevolution (:

I cried.

This is beautifully written. It's absolutely stunning. And no, grandfather works better, it's more touching.

I love this.

I cried.

:+fav:
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner May 8, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you so much! Telling me that it made you cry is one of the best compliments you could give :heart:
Reply
:iconkassi-kamira:
Kassi-Kamira Featured By Owner May 11, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
You're welcome, dear.:heart:

Only now, I'm worried about what's going to happen to Georgie. *panic*
Reply
:iconsyvyan:
syvyan Featured By Owner May 8, 2011
Love. I am pretty sure you had me from the first line. I am a sucker for simplicity (it is the thing i struggle most with) so that was excellent. the second line drew me in and made me empathetically sad. I adore how you left it to us to make that connection, it is always better to show us then to tell us, so well done.

there certainly is enough of a plot, any more and you would lose you message- the intention would be lost to communication of it..

The ending, from the birds perspective is lovely. you did lose me a little when you had the grandfather speak.... the 'this is... it Georgie' undermines the subtly you showed in the rest of your piece, but it is such a minor criticism. Read over it again and pretend you didnt write it..... hopefully youll like it as much as i do ^_^

grandfather is perfect. leave it would be my advice.
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner May 8, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you so much!! :heart:
Reply
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