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When I was seven, I was diagnosed with emotions.

"Poor girl." I heard them say. "She'll never survive this one."

I laid with my face towards the ceiling on the cold examination table, listening to them discuss my fate. I felt something breaking in my chest and something burning inside my throat. A small tear slipped down my cheek.

"Doctor! Look at this!" Shrieked my mother, "Something is coming out of her eye."

The doctor rushed over to me and wiped the tear from my cheek. He touched the top of my head as he whispered, "I am so sorry." And then he turned to my mother. "It's a tear. It means that she is sad."

"Sad?" My mother asked inquisitively.

"It's one of her emotions. This doesn't attack the same way that normal diseases do, there are all sorts of different symptoms. Right now, she is sad and the only way that I know how to explain it is that she is feeling down."

"What do you mean by down?"

"Her emotions can best be described as ones that are up—when she is feeling good, and ones that are down—when she is feeling bad. Right now she is feeling sad, which is a down emotion. If you need to understand her, ask her if she is feeling up or down. That's all
I know how to tell you."

"Will it kill her, doctor?"

He was silent. "Doctor?" She persisted.

"I don't know. She's got her heart on her sleeve, and that makes her vulnerable."

My mother took a step back.

"I truly am sorry." Said the doctor.

~

I was fifteen when I felt love for the first time. There was a boy, I don't even remember his name, but he used to walk me home after school, and then one day he stopped. When I asked him why, he told me that he simply didn't want to anymore and that it was out of his way and illogical.

I went home and curled up on my couch.

"Are you feeling up or down today?" Asked my mother.

"I don't know." I said. "Both."

My mother took me to see the doctor again. He asked me how I was feeling. I told him that I felt something ripping at my chest and pounding in my stomach when I looked at the boy. I told him that I liked the way that I was feeling, but at the same time, I wanted it to stop.

He listened attentively. "Honey, I think you feeling the beginnings of love. It's an emotion, but you can't quite categorize it as up or down. And I'm sorry, but it will only get worse as you get older."

The doctor handed me tissues as he waited for me to regain my composure before he took me back to my mother. He told her that we had sorted things out and that if we ever needed to see him again, all that we had to do was call.

And then he turned to me. "Just keep your head up, it will all turn out fine." He gave me a friendly wink and my mother took me back home.

~

It was years before I saw the doctor again. I had experienced bouts of love, anger, and even happiness. But it was none of these that drew me to him again—it was listlessness. I was twenty-seven years old when I sat in the doctor's office once again.

He handed me a mug of tea and we had a little chat.

"What seems to be bothering you?"

"I don't know, doctor. I've become bored with everything. I get up, go to work, come home, sleep, repeat. Day in, day out. What else is there to be done?" I asked. "What does everyone else do every day?"

"They do the same things that you do." His eyes fixed on mine. "The exact same, monotonous thing, we all do."

"But why?" I pressed.

"I don't know." He said, leaning back in his chair. "It's what we've been taught to do for all of our lives. It doesn't bother anyone else—"

"Because you can't feel." I said finishing his thought.

"If you don't mind me asking, what sorts of things do you feel?"  He asked.

I sighed and sat up in my chair.

"Go on." He urged.

"It's awful, doctor."  I said, my voice cracking, "I start caring about someone or something, my heart breaks and then I repeat the cycle. I don't know how to stop it."

The doctor closed his eyes as if remembering.

"And what does it feel like? What do you do?"

"At first, it's wonderful, I feel up, like I am pumping sunshine through my veins instead of blood, but then it feels sad, like my heart has shattered, and like glass, it can never truly be whole again."

He opened his eyes and began to speak. "I'm sorry, but I think you know what I am about to say."

I shook my head through tears in my eyes. "No…no."

He looked directly into my eyes as he said, "I'm sorry, but no one will ever be able to feel the way you feel about them."

I covered my mouth with my palm and let out a sob-like breath. "I know. I've always known, I just have been afraid to say it out loud."

"I really am sorry. You are a strange case dear. It's very surprising that you have survived to this point, most die young or are driven insane."

"And there is nothing you can do about it?"

He looked at the floor. "Nothing."

I saw the look on his face. "You're lying." I sneered.

"Yes," he said looking up me again. "But I won't do it."

"Why?" I asked, my voice cracking as my heart pushed into my throat.

He shook his head.

"What makes you qualified to make this decision for me?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"Because I am not going to allow you to do this. Don't you see? You have so much, all the feelings that have been lost over time. You may not realize it now, but I am begging you to think about it."

There was no point in attempting to hide the tears at this point. "There is something you aren't telling me doctor." I exhaled between fits of sobs. "What is it?"

He shook his head and whispered, "Please."

I stood up and grabbed my belongings. "Goodbye doctor."

~

I have been emotion-free for thirteen years now. I get up to work, come home, sleep, and do it all again the next day. I am married to a nice man. We talk about our days at work while I cook dinner and he reads the newspaper. We considered children at one point, but it's too late now.

I haven't seen the doctor since I stormed out of his office that day years ago. He would be disappointed with my choice. I think I know what he was talking about all those years ago when he tried to warn me against leaving, I think he knew what this was like—the expectations, the almosts.

The expectation to feel something when my husband kisses me goodnight. The expectation to feel something when winter blows over the world. The almost feeling I get when my mother calls and I am reminded that I haven't seen her in months. The almost feeling I get when I remember the doctor and realize that I left the one person who could almost love me.
I don't know what you heard, but this is not Doctor Who fanfic. It would be impossible to say that the doctor was not inspired by The Doctor, but they are not the same person.

I am slowly making the transition from flash-fiction to real short stories. Terrifying.



Daily Lit Deviation 2/1 and 2/2

Daily Deviation 2/10
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-02-10
The Doctor by ~xthe-eleanorx ( Suggested by SilverInkblot and Featured by BeccaJS )
:iconlove2snuggle:
love2snuggle Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2015
Wow, this was deep. I really liked it!
Reply
:iconsilversirens:
SilverSirens Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2015  Student Writer
Beautiful..
Reply
:iconxxmusic-musexx:
xXMusic-MuseXx Featured By Owner May 28, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This was interesting. I really enjoyed it. :)
Reply
:iconsaukurahayashi:
SaukuraHayashi Featured By Owner May 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Can you help me with my skills?
Reply
:iconsaukurahayashi:
SaukuraHayashi Featured By Owner May 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Emergerd this is so beautiful.
Reply
:iconrolllinggirl:
RolllingGirl Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2014
This reminds me of the book Delirium. But this is very nicely written, good job.
Reply
:iconangel-honey:
angel-honey Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2014
i've often read many things, but this i needed to comment on because this will stick with me for a very long time. 
thank you for writing :)
Reply
:iconivorymarionette:
IvoryMarionette Featured By Owner Mar 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
First, I'd like to say that this is such a beautiful piece. The fact that it shows such important times in one person's life, yet still ties everything together. Each character gives a little something to the story, and you can really see the emotions in each of them.

Second, I was wondering if I could possibly adapt this into a screenplay and film it. Credit would, of course, go to you. I wouldn't dare take credit away from someone who rightfully deserves it.

Thank you for your time.
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2014  Student Writer
Hello! So sorry for the late response, I'm not very active on here nowadays. I would be honored! Please do let me know when you finish it, I'd love to see it. (It would probably be best to contact me on Tumblr or something, I'm way more active over there.) 
Reply
:iconivorymarionette:
IvoryMarionette Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No worries, dear. I understand.
Thank you so much. :D
Reply
:iconally-redtulip:
Ally-RedTulip Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This was amazing! Why would she give away her emotions? :(( And the doctor?! 
Reply
:iconmslightningalchemist:
MsLightningAlchemist Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Like everyone, I couldn't stop either ...
Reply
:iconamaterasu099:
Amaterasu099 Featured By Owner Nov 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
This was really good. Like REALLY good. I just kept reading and couldn't stop. This story is absolutely fantastic. Great job. XD
Reply
:iconbloodlustbunny:
bloodlustbunny Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I couldn't stop reading it
Reply
:iconup-your-zyca:
Up-Your-Zyca Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i know what you feel with this kind of thing. i am in the same boat. and recently seen another in the same boat. the world is cold for hopeless romantics
Reply
:iconthecrazyloon:
TheCrazyLoon Featured By Owner Sep 9, 2013
I am speechless.  This is an amazing story.
Reply
:iconcaptain-salt:
Captain-Salt Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This reminds me a lot of a book called "The Giver", but anyway I really liked this story and hope to see more like it in the future
Reply
:iconclockworkscar:
clockworkscar Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
*sob*  serious sadness....good job!
Reply
:icontoriaaa1819:
Toriaaa1819 Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2013
Awe man it makes me sad to think that the docter could have possibly had emotions and then she just banished him... & I like my emotions, I wouldn't do anything to them!!
Reply
:iconfrancatstein:
francatstein Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013
this. is. amazing.
although I wonder why the doctor didnt tell her that he loved her...
oh well, the best kind of story is one that gives you a feeling of satisfaction and emptiness
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconelainaj:
ElainaJ Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
This is great. From my point of view, the doctor is the most interesting character. I suppose he's had multiple patients with emotions and I wonder if some of that's rubbed off on him. Why else would he care what the girl did with her life?
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Student Writer
The doctor once had emotions too, and he regrets ever getting rid of them.
Reply
:iconelainaj:
ElainaJ Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Oh God, that's sad.
Reply
:icontmar18:
TMaR18 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Had me hanging on until the end! Well done!
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:icontmar18:
TMaR18 Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're most certainly welcome. :)
Reply
:iconmaxxtoron:
MaxxToron Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is a solutely beautiful. Breathtaking. Stunning. It's interesting to think a out emotions as a disease; they both help and harm at tbe same time. Perhaps someday this will be how our broken little world is.
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconbrianabf:
BrianaBF Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2013
Oh my! The feels the FEELS!!:iconsobbplz: Words cannot describe how amazing this is.Love
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you for the lovely comment and the watch! :heart:
Reply
:iconbrianabf:
BrianaBF Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2013
My pleasure! :icongrin--plz:
Reply
:iconmyhaloandwings:
myhaloandwings Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013
I've always loved this one.. *swoon*
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconlordofstupidity:
LordofStupidity Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013
That was so feel-able and well written!! Insta-fave!!
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconlordofstupidity:
LordofStupidity Featured By Owner Jul 5, 2013
You're welcome!! :)
Reply
:iconkushamisaru:
kushamisaru Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I think everyone has points in their life where they wish they couldn't feel. How wonderful it would be.

Here you've made a world where that's a reality (a world I kind of wish I could get more info on, my only complaint) except for an unfortunate few. But are they really? Hard to say.

I absolutely LOVE the last three paragraphs. Like can I marry them please? I'll even settle for the last line. I mean, wow, what a punch in the heart! The teen part I find funny in a morbid way because damn, being a teen is hard enough. It would suck to be the only one with feelings. The beginning had me confused for a bit, but of course things slowly came together for me.

Overall, brilliant work. Belated congratulations on a well deserved DD

Critique by critique for all
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks so much!
Reply
:iconxxbrokenwristxx:
Xxbrokenwristxx Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This was absolutely one of my favorite short stories I have read on Deviant Art. My heart was constantly braking throughout the whole piece because I know how it feels like to care about one person who doesn't care about you, and i couldn't imagine living in a world where absolutely no one cares about you. The ending, that last quote, that was it. My heart broke in a million pieces. Amazing.
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconxxbrokenwristxx:
Xxbrokenwristxx Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No problem :)
Reply
:iconlunar-l:
Lunar-L Featured By Owner Jun 13, 2013  Hobbyist
OMG, I love this. Have you posted this on any other sites so I can bookmark/fav them there as well?
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks! And unfortunately, I do not. I wasn't using any other site when I originally wrote this.
Reply
:iconfogfire:
Fogfire Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is absolutely astonishing! i love it
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you!
Reply
:iconxxhollowwindsxx:
xXHollowWindsXx Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013
This story hurts me, but I adore it.
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks!
Reply
:iconcelvas:
Celvas Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013
Whenever I read something I take into account the style, the wording, grammar, sentence structure, storytelling, pace, what have you.

I don't do that when I stumble upon something beautiful. This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.
Reply
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