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Submitted on
May 18, 2011
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The numbers on my desk calendar started to blend together as my eyes began to close and I dozed off. I regained consciousness with a start, and I involuntarily slammed my hand down to what should have been my desk.

"Wh-where am I?"

"Oh my dear! We certainly weren't expecting you today; we would have cleaned up a bit. Heh, you see, we're having a bit of a well… technical difficulty." Said a round, rather pleasant woman wearing a polka-dot dress with a nametag simply saying "Dot."

I looked around; I was in a large, disorganized office with people and papers scrambling with bundles of copy paper. I grabbed a paper from the desk beside and read:

Boy with schizophrenia and his life with his imaginary…


The ink faded out and I couldn't read the rest.

I picked up the paper and held it out to the woman demanding an answer.

"What is this? Who are you and what sort of place is this?"

"Well dear, that is an idea, yours actually, we've been having a problem with our machine, we seem to be having a problem with the machine, everything seems to be, well, -er, faded and rather dull."

"Yes, but where did you get it?"

"Get it? My dear, I made it. I'm in charge of this whole operation, well so are you, but I'm in charge up here. You are standing right in the core of your imagination."

"My imagination? And how did I get here, may I ask?"

"Well the imagination carrier generally doesn't come to the core unless there is a serious problem, either with us or the carrier. Don't you know why you've come? Try to think back to what happened right before you showed up here."

I tried to think, where had I been? The phones on the other side of the rooms all started to ring.

A man in an office uniform answered the phone and shouted over to us, "Dot? I've got the memory center on the line telling me that they've got a paper jam and asking us if we can send someone over, can we spare anyone?"

Dot groaned, "Ugh, well I guess we can spare a person or two, why don't you run over there and just see what you can do."

Then it struck me, "Oh! I had just fallen asleep when I woke up here; I dozed off at my desk you see."

"Never mind! They just called back and said they took care of it." Shouted the man.

"Hm, well you're a writer, right?"

"Define writer, I haven't written in ages."

"Ah! Well that would do it. You came here so that you could get an idea since they clearly aren't going through the machine well. You see, all of your ideas, both the brilliant ones and the not so brilliant ones, pass through here first, we don't make them up per se, but we do process them and feed them to you in the most eloquent way we can. We have noticed that we haven't been getting a lot of ideas lately, and the ones we have been getting are rather faded and won't go through the machine where you can receive them."

"Well, even if I did get them I can't say that I'll do anything with them."

"Gahh! That's probably why we haven't been getting many ideas, if you consciously refuse to use them, then your subconscious mind will slowly stop making them and sending them to us. Don't you remember how good you were when you were younger? Why don't you pick up the pen again? It can't hurt."

And my head jerked back and I was back at my office as suddenly as I had left. I looked up at the clock; it was just about time for my lunch break. Then my printer started to whir and a single sheet of paper slid out of the tray.

A girl recovers from her writers block in the most obscure way possible.
I had this idea on the bus ride home and basically typed the whole thing on my cellular device. I'm cool, I know.

It's a little different than my "norm" however I don't have a norm, so I guess that would make it normal, except... not.

1. How does the dialogue work? There's a lot of it, I know.
2. Do you like the storyline? Or is it too wierd?
3. What about the ending? Is it too cliche?
5. Do you understand the concept and characters?
6. Did you notice that there was no number 4?
7. Thoughts/Comments? Love/Hate?
Add a Comment:
 
:iconintricatesunlight:
IntricateSunlight Featured By Owner May 24, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
1. The dialogue fits in it well with the story, it all flowed nicely and naturally in my mind, Dot is rather interesting herself just from the dialogue alone. It kinda threw me off in a good way, I didn't suspect at first that the girl was in the core of her imagination until it was mentioned in the story.

2. I like the storyline, it is a good kind of weird that makes the story very interesting and amusing. I think that this story may help me get over the writer's block that I get from time to time as well.

3. The ending was interesting, that was one cool printer. It knows all.

5. Yes, I understand it quite well. A very easy story for anyone to follow and understand and not to mention it being a little helpful and inspirational.

6. At first I didn't know what this question meant, until I got to 'number 5' and I numbered it as 4...then I looked up and noticed that there was no number 4 :D

7. Great story, it is very, well I know I've put this what, three times already? But it was an interesting good read.
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:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner May 25, 2011  Student Writer
Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it so much! :heart:
Reply
:iconclevina:
Clevina Featured By Owner May 24, 2011   Writer
I love this story! Everything about it. :D

1. The dialogue works very well. I like how you used dialogue to tell the story as opposed to simply describing what happens, because it makes the story more interesting as well as characterizes the speaking characters.
2. I like the storyline, and I like how you put your own spin on a popular topic. The unreal events that occur in the story make the story different from other stories about writer's block. Very creative.
3. I don't find the ending cliche. The waking up thing is overdone, but the last line is so different. :)
5. Yes. :)
6. -__-
7. Reading through the comments, I spotted a few points I would like to comment on.
I agree that the title is rather generic.
As for the length of the piece, I think this length is fine. You were able to convey the meaning in these amount of words, so why make it longer? I would think of re-categorizing this piece though, to flash fiction/vignettes, because this piece is flash fiction, and works better as flash fiction as opposed to a short story.
I think that the word choice is fine too. Since most of your piece is made up of dialogue, using more elaborate words would make the dialogue sound unnatural. Also, I feel like using more elaborate words will distract the reader from the storyline...but that's just my personal opinion.

Anyway...AWESOME PIECE. :worship:
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner May 24, 2011  Student Writer
Wow thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it so much. Although I must admit, I don't really know the difference between flash fiction and a short story, care to enlighten me?
Reply
:iconclevina:
Clevina Featured By Owner May 25, 2011   Writer
[link]
Sorry I'm bad at explaining things. :XD:
Reply
:iconjonathan-frost:
Jonathan-Frost Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Oh don't we all refer to the block when in block? :D

Though I have a few suggestions:
- it's too short; you can see where it's going, but still the words hammer at you. You need to let it breathe a little, develop;
- the dialogue is ok (I won't go further since I'm no master at it either) but the vocabulary feels lacking; there's no shame in using a dictionary (I'm a fan myself) and selecting what words are best in the context. It'll give your text a more elaborate feel.
- the ending closes the circle pretty well, but if your character fainted/fell asleep, then who wrote the words that came out of the printer? It the action is all in the characters mind, there should be no need for unexplained events when conscious. You should find a way to fix this without losing the charm of the last line.
- and last but not least, the title is too generic. I'm sure you can do better :)
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Student Writer
Thanks for the feedback! I'm definitely going to have to go back and revise now. :P
Reply
:iconjonathan-frost:
Jonathan-Frost Featured By Owner May 22, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Not necessarily revise this one (god know it's hard to rewrite prose while keeping the same idea), but keep in mind for the next one :)
Reply
:iconfragmentedreams:
FragmenteDreams Featured By Owner May 20, 2011  Student Writer
:D I liked this one. Quite a lot. Anyway, here's my response to your question(s):

1. I liked the dialogue. It was broken up well, flowed easily, and sounded pretty natural. I suppose the only thing I vaguely disliked was your use of double question marks in one or two sentences. One seems quite enough to me; two seems almost... unprofessional, I suppose. That's a minor complaint.

2. I definitely liked the storyline. In fact, I wouldn't have minded seeing this story expanded upon--it seems to have a lot of potential, and I've always been a fan of stories that take place on a level not altogether aligned with reality.

3. The ending was actually probably one of my favorite parts of this story. It really brought the whole plot together, and ended it nicely. Cliche? I wouldn't say so.

5. I'm fairly certain I understand the concept, and the characters, too. The idea was strangely... enthralling, I suppose. I'd have liked to see a little more characterization of Dot and the narrator, though: the narrator just struck me as confused, and Dot seemed a little too maternal to strike me as well-rounded. Still, it's a short story, so there's not much opportunity for that.

6. I did. Sneaky, that.

7. Overall, I'd say it was really a great story. There's always room for improvement, but it certainly amused me. Nice job. :)
Reply
:iconxthe-eleanorx:
xthe-eleanorx Featured By Owner May 21, 2011  Student Writer
Thanks so much for the feedback! I'll definitely have to go back and revise. I'm glad you liked it. :hug:
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